I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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