I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
