She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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