I wish I only lived at night.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
