i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
