Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
