If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
