the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
