i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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