they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
