My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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