I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
