Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
