someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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