some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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