I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
worst night to have a conscience
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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