All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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