The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
