Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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