To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
