The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
