So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
