Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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