Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
