I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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