just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
