S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
