grandma shit on top of the toilet
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
