I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's shark week go big or go home
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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