I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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