can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
