I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
