I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
