what day is it and did you see me today?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
