Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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