it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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