So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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