5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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