I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
