Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
