her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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