office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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