Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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