afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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