an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
