I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
