So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
