There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
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omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
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It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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