even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
