Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
