I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
