he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
