Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
