someone get that fucking seahorse.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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