I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
