coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
