that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
