You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
