The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
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My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
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