Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
