He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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