does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
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We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
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Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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