Banned from zoo.
Again?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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