since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
