Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
A+ Viking dick
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