Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
