Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
