well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
