I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
