TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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